I am out of words, for how I feel. My chest is heavier than ever before, my mind is almost trying to imagine how tomorrow is going to be like and my heart is racing. Racing with the whirl wind of emotions I am experiencing today. The excitement to meet her, the anxiety to keep myself calm through the surgery, the prayers to keep her healthy and safe, to see her for the very first time, to see the joy of Ajay of holding her for the first time, perhaps she is the only one to truly bring calm to my chaos.
You must be wondering, what is going on. My little girl decided to be breech, and we decided to play along, however she was happy. At my 37th week appointment we decided to schedule a C-section. I was at first a little skeptical, but it comforts me to have my mom and brothers stay with Luna while Ajay and I will be away for a few days to bring home our little miracle. Luna has been giving signals that she knows what is happening, she gets anxious when she doesn't see me home, but she knows I am going to go bring her little sister home on one of these days.
I am 39 weeks today. It feels like a dream to say that my little angel and Luna's sweet sister will be here tomorrow. Every needle, every surgery, every tear will be worth it tomorrow. We have longed for this day for long enough, and we are ready. We are ready now. It is so hard for me to write all that I am feeling today. I am trying to imagine her, our emotions, if Ajay and I would cry happy tears when we first see her, or we would have the biggest smiles on our faces.
To our baby, mama and daddy are ready to bring you into this world. Mama is hoping that she treated you well while you were in her, and gave you utmost comfort and warmth you needed. We have known you seeing you were just as tiny as a poppy seed, and now you are big enough to punch mommy's ribs. We have loved every single sway of yours in my belly. Every time, you moved it gave us the biggest smiles on our faces. Even when I was trying to sleep. We are definitely going to miss watching you growing inside of me. But, we can't wait to meet you tomorrow. We can't wait to see what a wonderful daughter, little sister, niece, granddaughter and the great granddaughter that you are going to become. We have chosen a name for you, that means everything your daddy and I have ever believed in. You will be the one who knows miracles, who is gift from god, who will know and preach respect, love, kindness and grace. We can't wait to see you for the first time, hear your first cry, listen to your tiny coos, and feel your warmth when you hug us.
Today, I can feel the same anxiety and excitement in my nerves, I felt the night before I was going to hear her heartbeat for the very first time. I had hardly slept in weeks at that time, and now I haven't probably slept in months. I know I am again going to breathe, when I will see her for the very first time, when I will hear her cry, and when I will feel her on my chest. It will all be okay then.
If you read my blogs regularly, you might be just as excited as I am. I am so thankful that you have been a part of my journey. Thank you for saying the kindest things, sending love and best wishes and checking on me every now and then. I am so excited to introduce my little bundle of joy to the world.