It is hard to see rainbows when there has been an endless amount of rain. This is us. This is our birth story. It has taken a lot of courage in me to write this. Thank you to my love, my husband, for encouraging me to write our birth story.

Inaaya, my darling I cannot fathom the emotions I am going through, while I write this. This space is for you. It is for you to come and read when you need to know that you have been a survivor since the beginning. It is a reminder to you, that you taught your mama to never give up. You are loved, and that you will always be my wildflower, the one who thrives and survives. The one who is made to do the most wildest and magical things.

You were in a breech position during your birth. Daddy and I knew it for quite a while, but we knew you were comfortable, so we didn’t even try to bring you to the birthing position. It was finally the day for you to arrive. I remember, I hardly could keep my eyes shut that night. You were moving a lot more, that night. It was special because that was the last night I was going to feel your kicks in my belly, but I was more excited to finally meet you, hold you, and kiss you for the very first time. The firsts are always so precious.

It was still dark outside when daddy and I left for the hospital. Our happiness knew no bounds. I kept taking small videos of us, and my bump, it’s a memory that is etched in my heart so deep. It was 5:30 am in the morning, the hospital corridors were quiet, our room was ready. We were admitted soon after, and there wasn’t a moment that your daddy didn’t smile. He was so excited.

Two hours later, it was finally C-Section time. I knew you were not ready to come out, but honey it was time for you to enter this world, I knew it in my heart no matter how many times I was in doubt if it was the right thing to do. The anxiousness started to build up on me. I was taken to the operation theater. The nurse walked me, while daddy was asked to wait in the hallway. I wish he could be inside with me to hold my hand. I was prepped for the surgery. And it was finally time for daddy to come in. I felt a sudden calm seeing him and finally hold his hand.

I remember the nurses guessing your weight, the doctors very excited to bring you into this world, music playing in the background, holding happy tears in my eyes, daddy and I smiling at each other through our masks. But, it all changed. I could feel the despair in the room. I heard the doctors talking within themselves, that the baby is stuck. I looked at the nurse, her face was pale, my heart began to sink. I was in complete disbelief at what was happening, but I felt like my world was crashing. I started asking if you were breathing fine if you were crying if you were out already. Those three minutes, I felt like were the hardest three minutes of my life, but little did I know this was not it. I looked at your daddy, he didn’t look good either. I knew there was something wrong, and he called for the nurse. He told the nurse, that he is going to loose consciousness, and before I could comprehend it, he was taken outside. There is no force on earth that could pull me down, but in that room, I was lost.

And then I saw you. You, my sweet girl, you were perfect. You were everything that I ever wished for. You were everything that I ever prayed for. I cried, I cried hard in that very moment, where I felt the divinity, that we were protected. You survived, you helped me breathe to live again, you were here my sweet little baby.

We were reunited with daddy, who had been waiting for us in the recovery room. To see the joy on his face when he saw you is the most adorable thing ever. I have never seen your daddy so happy ever before. You are the reason behind his smile and the light of his eyes. At birth, you just looked like your daddy, you were my mini Aju. Inu, my little love have a heart like daddy. He is the kindest, grounded, and most compassionate person, I have ever met in my life. His heart is in the right place. He loves us unconditionally and always goes out of his way to keep us happy. We were so happy, but little did we know that our happiness was here to last only for a little while.

Our birth story doesn’t end here. I thought your birth was the hardest thing we ever had to do. But, little did we know, that we had to get through a bigger storm to bring you home with us.

I have continued our birth story here. Read it when you know you are finally ready to know how strong you are my love. I very unknowingly called you my wildflower, you indeed are one. We love you so much!

And in the Middle of my Chaos There was You.

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