Hola!!! Welcome to My Journey through Life. There is no better way I could put my experience into words and giving life to it and hence the title. A little background about me, Hi my name is Aayushi, pleased to know that you are reading this precious piece of my life. I love to cook, an avid believer in destiny, a wife and fur mom to my baby Luna and my tiny human is on its way. This piece of the blog is for my tiny human, who is hard at work getting ready to meet us in March 2021!
To my baby, if you ever read this, I love you so much that putting it into the most beautiful words might be an understatement. You are our little scientific miracle, our rainbow baby and you showed us miracles happen and prayers are answered. I am already so proud of you, thank you for being so strong, loving, and a fighter.
In Vitro Fertilization, was a thought that never occurred to me I would ever need. But here we are! Since my first ever menstruation cycle things did not look good for me. Long story short, facing period problems for over a decade, I always knew conceiving is not going to be easy. But guess what, I got pregnant thrice, 1 being ectopic, 2 being chemical and the 3rd being an unexplained miscarriage. This is how long it took for me to realize it is time to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist.
August 2019, was the first time we decided to schedule an appointment. We went in, got all the tests done. All of my husband’s reports came back normal, and my ovaries looked big – the only sign that I have PCOS. We did the HSG test to check my fallopian tubes and it all came back clean! We were so happy! We were ready to have a baby. Ajay my husband believed we should be able to conceive right away! I was so excited about the first cycle of Ovulation Induction. My excitement started to drop down through each cycle of OI and later on with IUI.
Fast forward to April 2020, I woke up with a period again. Every month the level of disappointment elevated. My mom even came to visit me in March 2020, because she knew I needed her and that I was breaking. I decided that I want to give this one last try, IVF.
I woke up not just with a period that April, but also breaking the news to my mom and Ajay that I want to give IVF a try. They both looked at me in shock, Ajay said NO. My mom was understanding and supported my decision. But my Aju, he wouldn’t ever think about putting me through so much physically and mentally, but I managed to convince him.
I called my case manager and let her know I would like to start IVF. She said okay and scheduled an appointment with my RE. I read a lot and gained as much knowledge as I could before that appointment. We asked all the questions we had in that appointment and started our journey to bring LIFE, our LIFE.
In Vitro Fertilization a process that goes on for months. One would think that we start the treatment and in a month we find out we are pregnant, but there is so much more that goes into this.
My 2 cents to all my readers who are considering IVF. Please do your due diligence. It is a must and I can’t emphasize more on this. Because this was the thing that kept me sane and prepare mentally for everything I was going to go through. I knew that we start the process with birth controls, then blood tests, more ultrasounds, even more, injectable medications and then the day would come when I would ovulate all my follicles out and my embabies will be here!
While going to all our appointments, all Ajay and I could talk about was our baby for whom we were doing all this. It was like unknowingly knowingly we were manifesting our baby. It just brought happiness to us talking about how our baby would be, whether we will have a boy or a girl, our hearts knew we would always be girl parents. We even decided on our baby girl’s name on one of these visits and I wrote it on my phone. We both felt she was coming to us. We prayed so much. I would often ask Ajay right before stepping into the hospital if everything would be fine, he would always look at me, smile, and say everything will be good. It just would give me that nudge to climb those stairs, and walk into the hospital. Thanks to covid, Ajay was not allowed to attend any appointments with me, he would sit in the car waiting for me through each appointment.
Till now it was all physically challenging, a couple of injections in a day brings a hope home kinda deal. I went through those days, one day at a time. At the time of giving myself injections, Ajay would stand beside me, and Luna would lay near me, my two pillars of strength and entertainment, Ajay would crack some joke or Luna would do something funny that will crack me up and I will forget all the pain in a jiffy. And then it was time for dinner and my mom would have whipped something amazing for me as always. I found happiness in those small things. But somedays were more painful, and tears would roll out, those days Ajay would hold me, we would go for a drive, get ice cream, or something. I am so thankful for all the love my family showed me through these times. I needed it the most, and they knew it.
After the egg retrieval, it is all about waiting. Waiting to know how many eggs were retrieved (although this you find out right away, but the human mind wanders how many eggs will the retrieved from the day the I knew that egg retrieval day is so close!) How many eggs are fertilized, How many eggs become blastocysts, and then How many embabies are genetically normal. These are all the answers that play mind games, gave me sleepless nights and anxiety to a certain extent. The fear of something going wrong terrified me. And then comes the month you prepare to make a perfect home for your little embaby.
Soon came the day, “TRANSFER DAY” It was finally time to meet my embaby and bring her home. We were so excited, nervous, happy all at the same time, I was a pool of emotions. My mom made my favorite sweet, fed me my favorite meal before we started from home for the clinic. I gave hugs and tons of kisses to my Luna, my fur baby… told her we are hoping to make her a big sister today, and left. My very special and dearest friend Niketa and her husband Ketan asked me to listen to Ganesh Atharvashirsha. We listened to it on our way holding hands, believing everything is going to be okay. We reached the clinic which felt like the longest drive, I hugged Ajay, so nervous to walk up the stairs that this time he came with me till the reception of the clinic.
I was waiting in the waiting area, eagerly waiting for the nurse to take me in. She took me to one of the bigger ultrasound rooms this time. I was asked to change and get ready for the transfer. A quick ultrasound and it was unclear, I was asked to hang out for a while drinking some more water to see if they could see things clearly. The second ultrasound happened and I was ready! The nurse quickly prepped me for the transfer. My embaby was going to be here! I was asked to check my name and confirm the embaby we had asked to transfer. Everything was confirmed. My RE said this was the most beautiful embaby she had seen all day! It gave me a little confidence. The transfer happened quickly and we were on our way home!
The longest wait began. To keep me sane, I indulged myself in several new activities, photography projects, recipe testing, making recipe videos, learning new things about photography, etc. The list goes on and on. But then 4 days post transfer, that night I spent sobbing, fighting with Ajay for no good reason. The next morning I was still sobbing, I don’t know what was happening. But not for a second did I think, it could be the changing hormones, that my embaby might have stuck with me. That day Ajay took us for a long drive, just to make me feel better. 6 days post transfer, I had this craving to eat rice, just rice.. then I thought to myself that is weird. I was tempted to take a pregnancy test. But also, nervous. I was a wreck that day. We suddenly booked tickets for mom to go back to India. I kept calm, but I knew I was not okay with this sudden change of plan.
7 day Post Transfer, I slept in. Ajay already logged in for work, mom was making breakfast. Luna was with me in the bed. I finally decided to take a pregnancy test, for my mom. I wanted her to know before she boarded her flight the next morning. I had ordered this cute bandana for Luna, which says ‘Promoted to Big Sister’. I saw a very faint positive on the cheapy test, so I tested with first response and clear blue. Now all three of them had faint positives, and tears poured out of joy, still anxious and nervous. But, oh my god so happy, that I can’t put it into words. Before believing my eyes, I decided to send the picture to my two friends who have been so supportive through all these days, Tanvi quickly responded, It’s POSITIVE. We were so happy!! I finally decided to put on the Bandana I got for Luna, and send her to Ajay and my Mom. Of course, they did not get it, because my fiesty Luna was trying to take it out. Then, they read. That moment of sheer happiness, I will never forget, we hugged and laughed and cried. It was beautiful!
Our embaby stuck with us. Our baby girl was here with us. We were so thankful and grateful that we were so lucky to have this first cycle of IVF work out for us. We prayed and prayed, I took a pregnancy test every day to make sure until the day I heard her heartbeat!
To be continued…